A Letter to the King
Look, Satan - do you mind if I call you Satan? I mean, it’s pretty safe to say that “Lucifer” isn’t exactly the right name for you any longer. That name literally means Light-Bearer, and you’re not exactly bearing a lot of light anymore. In fact, you kind of do a really great job of doing the exact opposite of bearing light. I don’t want you to get too upset with me, because I’ve seen what you can do with entities far more powerful than myself, but I gotta ask, at what point in time did you go completely insane?
Was it when you thought that you could stand up to God himself, and overthrow the very literal creator of all things? Was it when you got the idea to name your palace “All Demons” like some kind of strip club? Did seeing your bestie, Beelz, all funnylooking and different what did it to you? I’m concerned, Satan. I’m really, genuinely concerned for the wellbeing of this entire organization.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m honored that you’re taking into consideration the voices and concerns of your peers - it’s why I’m not afraid to voice my own concern that you’re completely insane - but don’t you think this whole democracy thing you’re going to try out is just going to get in the way of whatever it is you ultimately plan to do?
And you know what? I just want to say before you blast me with all kinds of fire and pain, that I really do like your outlook on a few things. I like that you’re willing to concede that sometimes, victory isn’t required to get revenge. I like that. I like that you’re willing to say “If I can’t win, I’m going to spoil their fun.” That is the best kind of sportsmanship. Rather than just give up and walk away, you keep playing. I salute you, good sir.
But… please, for the sake of a loyal, lowly imp, can you maybe, just maybe, try to be a little less… I dunno. Evil? I guess? You can still be the ultimate enemy of mankind, but why do you have to wage war on God to do it? It seems like a losing battle.
Hugs and Kisses,
Imp #46823
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Dear Imp #46823,
ReplyDeleteAre you actually talking about Milton's text or just expressing your own personal opinion? That being said, weren't you the one who was making the argument about how incredibly "difficult" making multi-dimensional characters is?
Why would I, Lucifer (which I am still referred to as, despite my many other aliases) be strictly confined to one dimension of simply being the bad guy? You humans continue to befuddle me with how you constantly think the world and everything in it revolves around you.
No, you dull and dense human. My intentions to ruin mankind are not simply because you get to be in God's presence. Despite the fact that you clearly don't deserve it, my intentions run deeper. I feel if you actually read Milton's text, which in my humble opinion is relatively accurate...give or take a few details that humans simply cannot grasp, you would've gotten an idea as to the complexity of my situation. Father casting me- his brightest, most loyal, and most powerful angel- aside has angered me beyond comprehension. Imagine this, pathetic mortal: your life-givers have just completely dropped off the face of the planet simply because you refused to be a servant to the family pet. No contact. Absolutely nothing.
Now, I am not saying your puny, mortal mind can comprehend that of a fallen angel, but God gave you a mind for a reason, so use it.
As to the whole democracy issue, I believe it is important to listen to my minions in order to keep my legions unified. It was how the garrisons maintained order in Heaven and how my forces maintain order and unity in Hell.
Also, it has seemed to work relatively well for a decent portion of the free countries in your human realm hasn't it?
And as for the name of my palace, I decided to chose something simple so that all beings, including you puny mortals, could understand who resides inside. Just in case all the fire, gold, and burning lake didn't give it away.
If you have any more questions or concerns and could not find them in Milton's work or in The Satanic Bible (which I had no say in the naming and is also only somewhat accurate), please sacrifice a goat on my sigil (made of the blood of six infants) and either I or one of my associates will come to address you directly.
And by address, I mean drag you back to hell because if you have learned anything from anything written about me, my demons, or summoning demons that's typically the end result.
Dictated, but not written by
Lucifer
This post and comment FTW!!
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